Elphie, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project
You really don't have to do that
I know. That's what makes me so nice!
Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I
(And let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I?)
My tender heart tends to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need
And even in your case
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead, and yes, indeed, you will be...
You're gonna be popular!
I'll teach you the proper ploys
When you talk to boys
Little ways to flirt and flounce
Oooh! I'll show you what shoes to wear
How to fix your hair
Everything that really counts to be...
I'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts
You'll be good at sports
Know the slang you've got to know
So let's start
'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go...
Don't be offended by my frank analysis
Think of it as personality dialysis
Now that I've chosen to become a pal, sister and adviser
There's nobody wiser
Not when it comes to...
I know about popular
And with an assist from me
To be who you'll be
Instead of dreary, who you were...well, are
There's nothing that can stop you
From becoming popu-ler...lar...
La la, la la!
We're gonna make you pop-u-lar...
When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf to think of
Celebrated heads of state
Or 'specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!
They were popular!
Please, it's all about popular!
It's not about aptitude
It's the way you're viewed
So it's very shrewd to be
Very, very popular like me!
Why, Miss Elphaba, look at you. You're beautiful!
I, I have to go...
And though you protest
I know clandestinely
You're gonna grin and bear it
Your new found popularity
La la, la la!
You'll be popular
Just not quite as popular as me!