Allow me to introduce myself
As the big daddy kane
A smooth lover from around the way
That's bound to drive any bitch insane
Well dolemite is my name
And rappin' and tappin' is my game
Oh yeah? well me tell you somethin' mr. dolemite
The shit you talkin' years ago, I could see
But it's the 90's now and rap is all about me
Listen when it comes down to rappin'
I was through with it before you learned what to do with it
I'm the king so I'm stakin' my claim
In the rappin' game
Y'know? for all players, I am the speaker
I'm also known as the hot pussy seeker
When it comes down to ridin' up and down in some pussy
I make it weaker
Also it gets a little deeper
I was walkin' down broadway the other day
An old old lady came my way
She said, \"I'll be glad when you 'come 18
I'm gonna give you a funkin' like you ain't never seen!\"
I said, \"lady! why wait for so much time to pass?
I've been wantin to tear up yo' old gray ass\"
So I pulled out my dick
It was so shiny it looked like it was painted
The ho took one look and damn near fainted
I stuck it in the bitch and the bitch began to shout
That, \"oh mr. dolemite, take that motherfucker out!\"
Well you ain't sayin' nothin' slick to a can of oil
I walked barefoot from new york to dallas
Won for pimp of the year at the caesar's palace
Made a big snowstorm on the 4th of July
And drunk the waters in the atlantic ocean til that shit was dry
I was makin' money before washington was put on a bill
And I kicked jack's ass and took his ho jill
I'm the one who broke the bull's back
And made people say fuck mcdonald's and call me the big mac
Why you long lanky motherfucker
You ain't nothin' but a sucker!
I was born in a barrel of butcher knives
Shot in the ass with two colt .45's
I've been slapped by a bear and bit by an eel
I chew up railroad iron, and shit out steel!
I jumped in the ocean and swallowed a whale
Handcuff lightning and throw thunder's ass in jail
Why you ignorant decrepit motherfucker
Let me tell you somethin'
I'm the one that put the m in mackin'
Because when you did it you was only actin
I made pimpin' a full time job
So bitches wouldn't have to go out and rob
I made the streets of new york hot as a sauna
And hung a home sweet ho sign on every corner
Yes I'm the player of all players and the mack of all macks
Give a headache to excedrin and knock the shit out of ex-lax
Why you insecure no business barn junkyard
Rat soup eatin' motherfucker!!
It was in the early 1960's when I originated my pimpin' game
I was callin' whores jives ass bitches
And pimps sucker ass lame
Kane, before you can take my reign
You gotta cook me a chicken and a half a day
Walk from new york to los angeles and throw the bones away
You gotta be born blind and cannot see
Yo' bitches have the pocks in the ass so bad they can't even pee
Ride a bald eagle a million feet in the air
And get out and do the runnin' man while you up there
Have the mumps and the asiastic flu
And the crabs around yo' ass start singin' the yankee doodle doo!