I have a sad story to tell you
It may hurt your feelings a bit
Last night when I walked into my bathroom
I stepped in a big pile of...
Shaving cream, be nice and clean
Shave everyday and you'll always look keen
I think I'll break off with my girlfriend
Her antics are queer I'll admit
Each time I say, \"Darling, I love you\"
She tells me that I'm full of...
Our baby fell out of the window
You'd think that her head would be split
But good luck was with her that morning
She fell in a barrel of...
An old lady died in a bathtub
She died from a terrible fit
In order to fulfill her wishes
She was buried in six feet of...
When I was in France with the army
One day I looked into my kit
I thought I would find me a sandwich
But the darn thing was loaded with...
And now, folks, my story is ended
I think it is time I should quit
If any of you feel offended
Stick your head in a barrel of...